It's all one HUGE, LOVELY, CRAZY, EXPERIMENT
I have been on this creative Journey for almost 8 months now. I have launched my first Album and could not be more excited with the way it entered into the world. Its entry was all of the things to me. It was scary and frightening and also incredibly exquisite and perfectly timed. I am so proud of that sweet little Album. It feels like I had a creative baby, and now I get to let it go and watch it slowly grow.
"Truth is....I have no clue what I am doing"
Truth is.....I actually have no clue what I am doing. I have never done any of this music biz stuff before in my life, and it feels like one huge experiment. I am learning as I go and I am stumbling along the way. Stumbling....but also catching myself and most of the time landing on my feet which feels ultimately surprising.
I have been able to dig in deep and watch the ways my creativity flows and works. Sometimes it looks like these huge waves of motivation and activity that sweep me up and take me away. Its in these times that I feel extraordinarily organized and put together. I can talk to anyone I can be myself without second guessing. I feel confident and ready for all of the things....all of them.....
On the other side of this wave I feel like I am face down on my living room floor wondering "what the effing hell am I thinking???" I doubt myself, my talent and ability to connect. Its quite the opposite feeling of being on the wave. I have just passed through this door of self doubt and I am burning in on the other side of it. Getting ready for the next big wave. I can feel it there......just under my ass.....just a little bit behind me......the feeling is pretty electric because I can feel the push.......I can sense the swell starting....Do I go with it?? Or do I wait for the next wave?
I don't ever want to sound like a martyr.....which I probably do sometimes. I just want to connect with you and let you in on how I work this all out. I want to be able to tell you about my vulnerabilities and sensitivities. My successes my loves and my failures. So If you are reading this.....Thank You........Thank You for coming on this journey with me. Thank you for showing your local gal some real love.
It's because you care that I feel secure and held in this experience. Its because you make an effort to come to my shows and give me all the love I could ever ask for.
"And it feels like home because of you"
It's because you come to every show......and when that happens I could just about die from happiness as I get to sing to familiar eyes. It's because you support me in all of the sweet ways or the small ways, that when they are all added up, make the biggest difference. It's because of your shares, your kind encouragements, and warm words. It's because of you I get to spread this little bit of my soul magic around. It's because of you I get to do what gives me the medicine to survive this crazy life.
You know who you are......I don't have to call out your names. But know this.......every time I see your faces in the audience.......or your dancing feet on the floor infront of me......it makes me so incredibly fulfilled. Every time I see you mouthing the words to one of my songs or see you smile I understand why I am doing this huge lovely crazy experiment.
It's because it feels like home.
And it feels like home because of you.
I sit here and say each of your names quietly and set them on the breeze of this balmy fall day.
And after I whisper your name
Thank You.......Thank You.......Thank You