Fear:
There is a brand new journey starting....a journey to understanding fear on an intimate level...and i gotta say....I’m enticed by it. At first it feels really really scary....stunningly complex.....A close heat.....
But once you realize that you can move through fear.....there is a knowing that appears.....deep deep down......the knowing is that you can, in fact, come out the other end....in one whole banged up glorious piece.....arms and legs still intact....brain still tucked lovingly in place....conscience and heart.......in check......
As you engage with fear, there are chunks of you that that cleave clear off your body in the pressure of the wake.....
they fall off sudden, and rattle off into the ditch like an old hubcap....(we probably don’t need those rusty ol things anyway).....
It’s kind of a miracle.....when you wake up after sitting in fear.....to find that you have gained so much more power and understanding than you ever imagined.
Fear is this sort of monster that has a gnashing gnarly mouth and fiery eyes.....I’m sure you are familiar....and there are so many different types (I’m generalizing for the sake of keeping this short) ummmm ya short....
So we have a couple of choices here on how to sit with it...
We can wield our sword, and run right toward it......howling our war cry.......likelihood of singed eyebrow hair, broken collar bone, sunglasses askew, and a few tears probable....outcome....unknown.....but most likely.....
lots of change.
or
duck, run and hide......licking a lolli under a rock.....safe, held and sweet.....outcome......known.....no change.
I think of running full tilt into fear is like welcoming a sort of “death” to occur.....over, and over again....death of the old parts.....poof.....burned up fast.....floating.....like ashes on the wind.....the parts that were afraid to try....somehow lightened....
if we tighten up our intimate relationship with fear, would we be more likely to share our most creative, vulnerable parts with the world....?
There will always be the likelihood that we will fall down and get banged up in the process......yup that can happen......it can be embarrassing and so intense that it vacuums the air straight out of your lungs....I’ve been there more times than I can count on my fingers and toes....and I’m 100% sure that’s part of the process.....
As you get back up and dust off the flotsam of the wreckage......you get better, and better at sitting with it or running head first into it......and letting go of the old parts that just don’t fit......
As I write this, I encourage myself, and you, to continue to stand in the groundlessness of fear.....
The groundlessness
Of sharing your creativity
Of moving to a new place
Of standing on a new stage
Of telling your truth
Of sharing your heart
Of raising your babies
Of making your art
Of singing your songs
Of writing your books
Learning to sit smack dab in the utter loneliness of fear, without filling the deep void with distraction or grabbing at the next best thing or clinging to addiction.
Groundlessness and Fear can be terrifying....but we could also think of it like flying....so instead of using a sword.....say you’ve got a set of wings....and these wings jut out like sails.....to pick you up to guide you right into the arms of the infinite universe of possibility, love and creativity.....could happen.
bumps, scratches, egos and broken bones can heal, with time and loving care......
But the “what if’s” will stick to you like tar until you leave this earthly plane.....until you have burned up fast.....again....floating like ashes on the wind.....or to reincarnate....learn from it.......and have a “go at er” again.
Post Script:
This post is more about fear in creativity and love.....
I will never jump willingly out of a plane....or swim with sharks even if someone says “they aren’t the biting type”.....mmmmmm yup.......I’m super fine with keeping those in the “what if’s” box for now.
And for those of you who create and love in all the ways you do. I sit here in awe of your brave, courageous hearts.....today I honour you.
