Love Yourself (poem)

Love Yourself

A thought has been in my awareness

and it is all about self love

This thought

might turn out to be....

a pretty serious one.....

Do you love yourself?

I mean

Really love yourself?

It seems all day we can put thoughts into our head that make us think we do

Spreading pleasant quotes

Through this and that

That share words

And encourage us to

It’s great and all....

But I’ve wondered for a while

If words float around themselves

Or if the work is being done

One to one....

Do you really love yourself??

I think it’s a life long journey

We are complex creatures with minds that get tangled up in the tiniest things

Continuously bombarded

with should have

could have

would haves

Too short...

Too fat...

Too thin...

Too big...

Too small...

Too sensitive...

Too much of all the things

That reveals in time

A dark empty shelf

So

Tell me sweet heart

Do you really love yourself?

It’s tricky sometimes

We clutch so hard

to make it all come true

Love seems a sliding scale

Sometimes we love so easily

And other times....

We don’t want to

And when we are aware

And can lay it bare

That love don’t always come easy

we push through the door

To find shards on the floor

Chaos can make us uneasy

The shards are things we aren’t proud of

That need a bit of holding

A little compassion and empathy

Instead of dark

foreboding

Those fragmented scraps

Of “not good enough”

Need all the sweetest attentions

To know that they belong

when they have done wrong

Cause

It was never their intention

So You toil and build

Piece by piece a most

Colourful work of art

A mosaic made out of the scraps that were....

At one time torn apart

We see all of the

callousness

Understand all the wrong

Lees by lees

Sliver by sliver

Knowing all along

That

It’s a slow pour to fill that cup

Patience is key

So don’t give up

Make it your life’s gentle work

As

gentle rolling swells

on the sea

So Sweetly and with intention

We can slowly close the gap

There will be good days

And bad

But I know that you can

Really learn

Really truly learn

Learn To love yourself

I’m learning everyday

I hope you are too

The Lotus Flower (poem)

The Lotus Flower

Once upon a time,

In my University days

I sang a song In German called

“Die Lotosblume”

“The Lotus Flower”

Written by Heinrich Heine

Set to Music by Robert Schumann

The Story

Is about a sweet, precious Lotus flower

Who feared the sun.

Languishing day after day in its heat.

So at night

when the Moon shone

she would graciously bloom for him.....

in all of her glory.

The Moon,

Her forever paramour.....

She, left silently aching.....

because they could never be

As......She is from the earth

And......He is from the heavens

Still she blooms

Knowing....deeply....

That he can silently delight

in her exquisiteness

And she in his

My own take on a mournful love story.....

A true love known....

In the great expanse between worlds

And never to be....

Still hopeful though

The Lotus

This tenacious flower,

born on long stalks from the muddy depths.

Emerge and sail above the water

Reaching for the heavens

The petals untainted....

Created so perfectly.....

That dirt weeps off of them seamlessly....

Every night

Floating high and free from the muddiness of

Attachment

and

Desire

To open in love

And to close

day after day....night after night...

So Tonight I sit here

Thinking

My dream for us all

Is to be more like the Lotus

Strong, Soaring, Beautiful, Knowing,

Persistent

To come from the past,

thick mud and dirt

To stretch out and up

Or to simply

Just be.....

Without even one word spoken....

A Most Beautiful Thing

Continuously Blooming In hopes that one day

We will reach....

Just far enough.....

To

Caress

The Moon

Happy Tuesday

And

No matter what...

Keep reaching sweet friends

Keep reaching

All the Things We Thought We Wanted (poem)

All The Things We Thought We Wanted

Long time ago

We made up stories

about

All the things we thought we wanted

Things

ALL OF THE THINGS

So.....

Very....

Many......

Things.......

The love that we would die for

Cars

Weddings

Babies

Houses.........

Lists upon lists

And scads upon scads

Of

All The things we wanted

So we travel down the path

And meander in the dark

Feeling round about for

shiny bright things

Grabbing at them

Padding around for them

Ready, Hit, Mark

we are told we want them

Need them,

want them

We are born and bred

Just so

Because that’s just what you do

And that’s just how it goes

Heart to heart

and

Step to step

It’s easier moving with the flow

Head down eyes tight

Don’t dare veer over the sides

“If you DON’T grab fast the shiny bits,

Son

you are going to miss the ride”

So you want

Those,

cars,

homes,

weddings

and loves.....

Make that big machine roar!!!

But

Feeling lost,

And alone

and on your own

somehow left you wanting

More......

existence

And need

Can make the heart bleed

From trying to even the score

The things we wanted

BREAK

And up the fear shakes

As “things” can

cease to bring us joy

So Big brother yells

“Keep them eyes down and your fists held tight. Never loose sight of the prize

You want to be a winner son????

You know....in life....??

You need ALL OF THE THINGS to thrive”.

for all of the things we thought we wanted....

Can quickly

fall and crumble.....

As we sit there watching

Knowing

Watching

The understanding that it brings

That none of the wants

mean all that much

In the grand scheme of things

Wants can bring us joy

and sometimes happiness....

They shine you up

great glossiness

In all the best of ways....

But take a minute

before you decide

to WANT your life away.

Dig in hard and listen to your heart that might be whispering no.....

It’s ok sweet friend

not to want the things

big brother tells us so.

Take a breath

and sink way deep down

into your big

vivacious soul.

Cause down inside we know

That

Vows get broken.....

Hearts do die.....

Cars rust out....

Babies cry......

And the world will keep on spinning

until we all eventually go.....

Off into the great beyond

Where we can’t take

our precious, sweet cargo

Morbid?

Uh.....

Yes

You

Bet

But I’ve got good news for you.

All the things you thought you wanted

All those things you ever wanted

.

Are

Right

Inside

Of

You

Slow Down Darling (poem)

Slow Down Darling

The last few months have been moving at a break neck pace.....

To figure it out.....

To move the voice..

To move the body..

To move the heart..

To move

Forward..

Forward..

Forward..

Wild hands gripping at the air..

Catching nothing..

Moving nothing..

Body held captive in place by invisible chords...

bound tighter, harder, and faster

than ever before....

But

Forward

Forward

Forward on!

To fight like a tiger..

To protect the whole self..

To move mountains and houses..

To better yourself

To have all the answers..

You’re ok alone

To be prepared and ready

To be

On..

On..

On..

They whisper...

“Whatever happens..

Darling,

Don’t ever let go..

Because, wanna know what????

Know what happens if you do???

You’ll never catch the tail of that chord..

you were so desperately trying

to hold onto”...

Holding on so tight,

Your hands have become....

So...

Unrecognizable...

Black, bloody and bruised.....

They say

“Never....Let....Go....”

They shout

“Never....Let....Go”

That’s a lie the world is spinning

That if you fall, fail, or release

You’ll never get back up.....

Or land on your feet...

What you believe....

What you say.....

What you think....

Over and over again

will eventually,

Of course...

Become the truth.

So.

Slow Down Darling,

Because

We know deep inside the world’s not going anywhere..

At least not tonight..

Nothings do or die.....

So, take today in

One

sweet

sip

at

a

time....

There will always be faster speeds and wider roads....

inviting us....

calling us...

Luxuriously coaxing us.....

to peek around the corner...

And the next,

And the next,

And the next,

Always,

A continuous circle of

Next’s

But for now

Slow Down....................

Slow Down....................

My Sweet Darling,

It’s ok to Slow Down.

Take that deep breath

Heal that sweet tender heart

Live inside your music

Revel in your art

Sleep....

Sleep....

Cuddle...

Sleep....

Sleep....

All will come in time..

I promise....I Do....

And you may not quite know.............

But

Give yourself permission now.............

To

Slow Down Darling......

Slow

Down

Right

Now.....

Gold In Your Belly (poem)

I couldn’t sleep.....

A couple nights ago....

wide eyed blinking...

All night long....

So instead I wrote....

Inspired by this poem....

By Christopher Poindexter.

Words:

The goal has been to be trusty, vulnerable, and truthful with words....

I have surprisingly, and quite clumsily, face planted.....

Directly into a phase

where I get to choose to become my most authentic self.....with actions and words,

The strings are being cut....

The hooks are coming out....

The masks are peeling off.....

We all have them....

Masks....

The things we put on, to cover up, all the parts we want to change....

Or hide.....

Or forget away....

So many layers.....

so much peeling.....

Tearing out the hooks.....

leaves gaping, open wounds.....

And I am eager....ready.....willing.....

Rip.....Rip.....Rip.....

Out of the wounds, there are words.....

That want to spill over the split....

Words that haven’t been said....

That want to be said....

(to you, and you, and you)

and to you too.....!!!!

The words burn fierce in all the best ways....

Sometimes, there is no choice...

Sometimes, instead of saying them out loud...

I write them.....

Or at night when I can’t sleep.....

I whisper them into the breeze....

Or put em in a song.

“I’m not going to die with forgotten gold in my belly.”

you might read them....

you might feel them.....

and you might not......

You might like them....

You might not.....

You might even hate them....

Like, really hate them....

no matter.....

I make a choice.....

to choose the good ones.

Words, that is.....

As deeply as I choose to love....

Even when it can feel arduous, or intimidating to do so.

teaching yourself.....

Over and over again...

to be brave......

To say what is in your heart....

To tell someone how they made you feel....

The small observations, and gestures in life

can easily go unnoticed.....

the things we don’t appreciate.....

or say.....

everyday.....

That would make someone feel....

That much better....

So today...I’m reaching out

to your sweet and tender heart....

To tell you......

It’s going to be ok....

It’s going to be ok....

It’s going to be ok....

Yup, I just know it.....

And if someone hasn’t told you in a while.....

even if I don’t know you all that well....

You are loved so much more than you even know.

The Reminder (poem)

The Reminder....

This poem was sent to me yesterday from one of my dearest friends. It is a poem by Nayyirah Waheed from her book of poetry called Salt.....I cant stop rolling the words around in my head.....so much so that I thought I would share them.....and let you know that You Are also a Story. All of you...I'm not sure why I feel like these words strung together are so profound for me. I suppose I have spent time becoming/being one word.....from my own book or from someone else's.....Maybe you have too..

the word can create an entire story.....

the word is outrageously disingenuous and untrue......

the word could be several different ones......

used separately on different days......

so subtle and in such a way.......

you start to actually believe it.........

believe it so deeply.......

this word....."because you want to be loved".......

you want to be loved so badly.....

that you take this word straight into your soul and start to embody it......you make it true.....you give it life.....and light

a place to grow and root.....

God those roots go deep and spread quickly....

because someone told you it was so.......

but the word has falsified your true story, your glorious nature, spirit and authenticity......

"love does not ask you to be nothing for something"

No.....no it doesn't....

If there is a word that is threatening your stunning story....

Don't be afraid to cut the roots....

And turn out the light.....

and remind yourself.....

it's hard for things to grow in the dark.

Fear (poem)

Fear:

There is a brand new journey starting....a journey to understanding fear on an intimate level...and i gotta say....I’m enticed by it. At first it feels really really scary....stunningly complex.....A close heat.....

But once you realize that you can move through fear.....there is a knowing that appears.....deep deep down......the knowing is that you can, in fact, come out the other end....in one whole banged up glorious piece.....arms and legs still intact....brain still tucked lovingly in place....conscience and heart.......in check......

As you engage with fear, there are chunks of you that that cleave clear off your body in the pressure of the wake.....

they fall off sudden, and rattle off into the ditch like an old hubcap....(we probably don’t need those rusty ol things anyway).....

It’s kind of a miracle.....when you wake up after sitting in fear.....to find that you have gained so much more power and understanding than you ever imagined.

Fear is this sort of monster that has a gnashing gnarly mouth and fiery eyes.....I’m sure you are familiar....and there are so many different types (I’m generalizing for the sake of keeping this short) ummmm ya short....

So we have a couple of choices here on how to sit with it...

We can wield our sword, and run right toward it......howling our war cry.......likelihood of singed eyebrow hair, broken collar bone, sunglasses askew, and a few tears probable....outcome....unknown.....but most likely.....

lots of change.

or

duck, run and hide......licking a lolli under a rock.....safe, held and sweet.....outcome......known.....no change.

I think of running full tilt into fear is like welcoming a sort of “death” to occur.....over, and over again....death of the old parts.....poof.....burned up fast.....floating.....like ashes on the wind.....the parts that were afraid to try....somehow lightened....

if we tighten up our intimate relationship with fear, would we be more likely to share our most creative, vulnerable parts with the world....?

There will always be the likelihood that we will fall down and get banged up in the process......yup that can happen......it can be embarrassing and so intense that it vacuums the air straight out of your lungs....I’ve been there more times than I can count on my fingers and toes....and I’m 100% sure that’s part of the process.....

As you get back up and dust off the flotsam of the wreckage......you get better, and better at sitting with it or running head first into it......and letting go of the old parts that just don’t fit......

As I write this, I encourage myself, and you, to continue to stand in the groundlessness of fear.....

The groundlessness

Of sharing your creativity

Of moving to a new place

Of standing on a new stage

Of telling your truth

Of sharing your heart

Of raising your babies

Of making your art

Of singing your songs

Of writing your books

Learning to sit smack dab in the utter loneliness of fear, without filling the deep void with distraction or grabbing at the next best thing or clinging to addiction.

Groundlessness and Fear can be terrifying....but we could also think of it like flying....so instead of using a sword.....say you’ve got a set of wings....and these wings jut out like sails.....to pick you up to guide you right into the arms of the infinite universe of possibility, love and creativity.....could happen.

bumps, scratches, egos and broken bones can heal, with time and loving care......

But the “what if’s” will stick to you like tar until you leave this earthly plane.....until you have burned up fast.....again....floating like ashes on the wind.....or to reincarnate....learn from it.......and have a “go at er” again.

Post Script:

This post is more about fear in creativity and love.....

I will never jump willingly out of a plane....or swim with sharks even if someone says “they aren’t the biting type”.....mmmmmm yup.......I’m super fine with keeping those in the “what if’s” box for now.

And for those of you who create and love in all the ways you do. I sit here in awe of your brave, courageous hearts.....today I honour you.

Reflection on Boundaries (Blog)

Reflection on Boundaries

There is this book that I have been reading lately that is called “Boundaries and Protection” by a woman called Pixie Lighthorse. This book has greatly changed my perspective on situations in my life that have made me feel manipulated....less than.....off kilter.

What I have figured out and witnessed with my own eyes and body, is that when you form a protective barrier of boundaries around yourself, there are going to be people who fall right off the map....as you set up these boundaries and stand firmly within them....they will wonder why you are saying “no” when you used to say “yes”.....They will wonder why you are changing.....why you have an opinion on what feels right and what feels wrong.

Creating boundaries can be hard.....it can be fiercely uncomfortable and outrageously lonely....but without them....the manipulations....have power to continue.

I’d rather live a full life staring into the abyss of the unknown, than consistently bending, smiling, pretending. Compromising mind, body and spirit.

So.....my shout out to you would be....if someone in your life is misusing their power, trampling all over you and making you feel like your emotions, sensitivities, words and opinions have no merit.....that your requests for communication, and compromise are outlandish....that you are too much......if someone continuously judges your moral code and standards of respect.....if someone wants you to change all the things that make you wildly wonderful.....chances are that some boundaries need to be gently lodged into place......

Don’t be surprised when these folks fall off your map.....it’s like you are holding their feet closer to the fire by creating safe boundaries for yourself....they have a choice to stay and burn up with you, to do the work.....or run.....

You are worthy of deep love, compassion and forgiveness. You are worthy of respect and being treated with integrity. If someone can’t meet you in the middle of your humanness.......let them go. You deserve to love and be loved......it’s going to feel like a long road.....but in the end....it will be worth every step......

Just some thoughts

The Great Ohio Tempest (Blog)

The Great Ohio Tempest

Just got sent this sweet pic of being on the road coming back from Memphis. We stopped in this small farming community in Ohio and the winds were gusting at breakneck speeds.

As we walked into the tiny gas station/burger joint, the door about blew right off its hinges when we entered.....everything on the counter went flying....We were met with a few sideways glances from the older gents who were occupying the booths and stools. One of them specifically could not stop eyeing up my boots.

I sat down on one of the red stools at the little bar and ordered some fries to keep us going for a few more hours. I tipped the gal behind the counter (like a good Canadian would) and we were on our way.

Before we hopped back in the truck (this pic was snapped) I took a look around and thought.....I think I could live here......fields as far as you could see.....so flat and wide you could almost see the curve of the earth....Desolate (maybe) there was something else that drew my energy to this place. There is something in me that craves the quiet alone....big spaces.....the feeling of anonymity.....

As we drove through gusty Ohio....with the truck rocking hard from the crosswind on the highway....there was some more sweet sights. The ditches and fence posts were lined with hawks that were out for an afternoon hunt. So many in number that you couldn’t ignore them. Wings outspread, gliding gracefully on the violent wind. Looking down, scouring the tall grass for their next kill. Easeful soaring in a harsh environment. They had a message for me....

“No matter how strong and violent the tempest is around you, spread out your strong wings and glide gracefully through the storm.”

And so it is.