The Great Ohio Tempest (Blog)

The Great Ohio Tempest

Just got sent this sweet pic of being on the road coming back from Memphis. We stopped in this small farming community in Ohio and the winds were gusting at breakneck speeds.

As we walked into the tiny gas station/burger joint, the door about blew right off its hinges when we entered.....everything on the counter went flying....We were met with a few sideways glances from the older gents who were occupying the booths and stools. One of them specifically could not stop eyeing up my boots.

I sat down on one of the red stools at the little bar and ordered some fries to keep us going for a few more hours. I tipped the gal behind the counter (like a good Canadian would) and we were on our way.

Before we hopped back in the truck (this pic was snapped) I took a look around and thought.....I think I could live here......fields as far as you could see.....so flat and wide you could almost see the curve of the earth....Desolate (maybe) there was something else that drew my energy to this place. There is something in me that craves the quiet alone....big spaces.....the feeling of anonymity.....

As we drove through gusty Ohio....with the truck rocking hard from the crosswind on the highway....there was some more sweet sights. The ditches and fence posts were lined with hawks that were out for an afternoon hunt. So many in number that you couldn’t ignore them. Wings outspread, gliding gracefully on the violent wind. Looking down, scouring the tall grass for their next kill. Easeful soaring in a harsh environment. They had a message for me....

“No matter how strong and violent the tempest is around you, spread out your strong wings and glide gracefully through the storm.”

And so it is.

Coffee Stains and Flower Crowns (Blog)

The past four days I have been hunkering down and writing songs. Again I tumble into self judgement until I realize I don’t have to hold on to my music or creativity so preciously. I simply have to spend the hours honing the craft...allowing it to be....and then letting it go. I’m trying to quickly turn high expectation into appreciation.....appreciation that I have a small window of time to do this...before change comes tumbling in.....again and again......

Expectation holds us on a tightrope of suffering....(weather it’s the expectation we hold over our own heads, or the expectation that others hold over us).....so I write and write....paper upon paper....coffee cup stain marking (with a wink) the last page for today....the flower crown reminding me that life....(although super wildly confusing at times) can be celebrated with some whimsy, comedy, magic....and a whole lot of “giving zero effs”.....learning to laugh at and with myself.....

So today I create without boundaries. And then let it go....let it go.....

I hope that you can create something soon that makes your heart sing. Trash the judgement....and let it fly....

In all honesty....the writing I am putting out is fast and furious.....it’s not perfect or precious.....I’m adding hours to my practice. One letter and one word at a time. Thinking of the long game.....an easeful lumbering marathon.....

Resisting (Blog)

This is the face of a gal who just spent a few hours reading over the words in her old journals....the very words she wrote as she travelled through the last 9 years of her life. Caught in a serious web of reflection of what was.......and how it moulded, and sculpted her......and made her bend, and bend, and bend.

Gloriously Grooming her into a shape She could hardly recognize....

There were times of strength and happiness, joy and deep warrior like resistance.......

and then also........so much silence....in a world of music, love, community, and opinion.....emotion, sensitivity....in a world full of happiness and utter elation you thought you could crack and bust right open....

there was.....in fact.....deafening silence.....lonely silence....heart pounding silence......the kind that makes you think of existence and how life is way too short....how fragile it all is....The kind where you could hear your own heart beating in your chest and in your ears if you listened and lay on the pillow just right...The kind of silence that keeps you up at night even when the t.v’s blaring in the other room....and other people are wandering about.

it reminds me that as we travel on our roads through the world....you never know what is happening behind the closed doors of strangers on the street and those we hold dear.....you never know what’s happening in the silence....

you never know that people could be trying their hardest to fundamentally change their best friends and lovers into forms that suit them so much better. To wear them in like an old suit coat or a favourite pair of shoes. Years and years of slow wear will eventually make anything feel comfortable....as long as you have patience, persistence....and subtle knowhow.....you can break in anything

But when you resist....when you refuse to bend....the loneliness starts to feel like a welcome friend....a friend that no one else even knew existed....because you are incredible at keeping it hidden.....then.......finally.......again......

silence....

Not the scary kind though....the real kind of silence that is as big and warm as a mothers hug....and says to you with a sweet whisper in your ear.....”you knew all along dear one, you are safe and loved beyond all measure....now you can be who you always knew you were....she’s been in there all along....spending way too much time...........resisting”